Emotional roller coaster

My life is like an emotional roller coaster,one minute I'm extremely happy or at some level of contentment and the next thing I know I'm at a depressed stage sometimes for apparently no reason. I'm getting frustrated with myself,I hate not knowing why I have all these emotions I mean where did they all come from. The emotions just hit me all at once from a smile to a frown.
I know right now I feel empty like something is missing in my life I really wish I knew what. Should n't I be the person to control my happiness,so why when I try something always seems to get in the way? School,sucky friendship,etc... School I know for sure is a key element in my rollercoaster cause quite frankly i feel like I'm on the brink of failure *sigh* that worries me really it does. This has been my worst semester so far& I can't wait for it to be over.
I constantly feel sick I wish I had some clue as to why. But still nothing is explaining why my emotions are so random and frequent, am I bipolar? :S I am seriously wondering that, am I schizophrenic sigh I really want some answers.
I hate what I'm feeling, I mean how can it be normal to love&hate a person all at once,one minute your at your happiest with them&the next u feel like u just want to strangle them or run a knife through their heart. When did I become such an emotional wreck...i used to be the girl who had some level of emotional stability, the girl who gave advice but now I'm the girl who needs advice, the one who needs to be comforted.
I fear that this emotional rollercoaster is going to cause me some of the most important people in my life, feel as if I'm going to end up hurting them or pushing them away.
I need an outlet, I need some way to let it all out,I need an escape&most of all I think I need to re-find myself. I want to be the girl I used to be just a bit stronger,I want to take control of my emotions again&just be happy.

Random bothers

“I refuse to paint myself a picture of unhappiness” with that said I am dedicating sometime to me, to find myself, to find what truly does make me happy causing me to have an adrenalin rush. I can’t tell the last time that I can honestly say I have been completely happy but I’m going to do my best to change that. I am fully aware that there are going to be obstacles that I must overcome& detours along the road to happiness and I know it is all going to take time to get to where I want to be. I do know that I’m going to need the encouragement and sometimes an extra push from the people I call friends, the people who besides my blood I consider to be family because I won’t always be able to do it on my own.
You know sometimes we lose a friend (not by death) and we wonder why then we realize if they were your friend in the first place they would have never left. “People walk out of your life so better people can enter” so damn true! “Some people enter our lives for a reason while some only for a season” I won’t elaborate on that point any further all I will say is don’t let your “friends” stand behind you because he/she may just have a knife ready to stab you in the back. I rather my real friends to stand beside me.
So where do I start, this year so far has been a very rocky one in terms of friendship, school & love. I’ve lost friends and I’ve made some new ones and rekindled with some old ones. School ugh the more work I tend to do is the worst it seems to get but I do have an exam phobia which is kind of the reason but right now I’m trying to get over it by studying and trying to keep my focus and not panic but I’m a natural worrier so freaking out and stressing especially in areas I’m weak at tends to happen sometimes even before I can notice it sigh. Worrying tends to be the easier strategy even when I try not to.
Love an awesome feeling actually especially if you are loved in returned but love is also probably the slowest form of suicide as it slowly destroys you from the inside. Love is a growing process and sometimes the best to love someone is just by being a friend. Love for me sometimes complicates everything but the ability to overcome and move on takes real strength and maturity. Right now I can’t deny my feelings but I do question if they are all going in vain or is it worth it. It does bother me that I don’t know what to expect next sigh. I really hate feeling left out in the dark feeling all lost. If it’s real love it’s worth the pain huh?
All I can really do is have faith and hope everything works out the way it should until then I will just pray.